It’s hard sometimes, this parenting lark!

I’m dismayed to find this parenting lark doesn’t get easier when the kids get older. I thought it would…I was wrong! Why don’t people tell you these things!

Number 2 and 2 + 1 have booked another holiday and they are very excited about it.
I, on the other hand, am hoping they lose their passports!

They have chosen to go further afield, which is nice. The thought of them exploring the world is a fantastic notion.

The reality makes me feel nauseous.

The country they have chosen has safe zones (!)…there are green (good bits) yellow (not so good I assume) and red (I don’t even want to think about that).

Number 2 has assured me that the resort is mostly green.

What about the other bits I want to cry! But I don’t, I smile and say ‘that’s nice dear!’

He shows me pictures of the resort. It looks fabulous. It looks like it’s enclosed by a big wall or something. What is on the other side of the wall??? I try to peer behind the screen and look to the side but I can’t see. I want to say ‘no you can’t go there, it’s not safe enough, the wall could be higher, I don’t even know what’s on the other side of the wall, maybe it should be closer to home?’ but I don’t. I smile and say ‘that looks amazing.’ And it does too. Crystal clear pools, beautiful blue skies. Don’t we have that here?! Cornwall is beautiful in the summer. Perhaps he should just stay at home!

It’s so far away, a different world.

What if it doesn’t go to plan? Is he prepared? Have I prepared him enough for the ‘crapness’ that life sometimes brings? I guess I can only hope so.

He has such great qualities, he’s more fearless, courageous and confident at 19 than I am at 44. He’s so great, but that’s not helpful when you’re his mum, I worry!

We’ve reached a compromise. I bought him ‘Safe’, the book by Chris Ryan @chrisryan, for Christmas. I’ve read it, it’s a great book and kind of covers everything about everything I want (need) him to know.

He has to read it cover to cover (at least twice).
I will feel better then(!).

I will continue to resist the urge to pack myself in his suitcase just to make sure he’s ok.

I will feel better when he comes home and shows me his photo’s and tells me he’s had a great time.

I will try not to think about it!



Save your cucumber…

I handed Number 3 his sandwich for his packed lunch.

‘Don’t bother putting cucumber in anymore mum,’ he said, ‘I don’t eat it, I just throw it at people so you might as well save your cucumbers.’

Did I miss a birthday?!…

‘Is the day you’re born your birthday?’ asked Number 3.

‘No,’ I said, ‘it’s your day of birth, your birthdays start the next year.’

‘Did you say happy birthday to me when I was born?’ He asked.

‘No I didn’t, I just said ‘ouch that really hurt’.’



That must have been fun!

I had a call from school.
Number 3 had walked into a wall and had bashed his head.

He was fine but apparently not able to walk the 10 doors away to our house unaccompanied and I was ordered to collect him straight away.

Once home I inspected the injury and there was a large bruised egg shape on his forehead.

‘How did you manage to walk into a wall?’ I said.

‘I didn’t,’ he said, ‘I head-butted it.’

‘Oh!’ I said, ‘on purpose?’

‘Yes.’ He said.

‘Why would you do that?!’ I said.

‘I thought it was polystyrene,’ he said, ‘I was messing about.’

‘It is probably best to check first before you use your head to bash things.’ I said.

‘Yes,’ he said, ‘it really hurt.’

‘I’m sure it did,’ I said pressing a cold towel on his head, ‘I guess you won’t do that again then?’

‘No, probably not.’ He said.


A Christmas Treat!

I arranged a pre-Christmas treat…Ice-skating!

Everyone seemed happy with this and I was excited for us all to spend some happy time together.

It didn’t start off too well as we had to leave before lunch-time and it was Sunday. Numbers 2 & 3 don’t usually see Sunday mornings.

‘Wakey, wakey,’ I said, ‘we’re going in a minute.’

‘I’m not coming,’ said Number 3, ‘it’s raining and I’m not going out to get wet.’

‘Yes you are.’ I said, ‘it’s cost a fortune and we’re going to have a nice time.’

‘Fine, you go,’ he said, ‘have a nice time, I’ll see you later.’

Number 2 text me from his bedroom.

‘It’s raining.’ the text said.

‘Yes it is.’ I replied.


‘Everybody get up,’ I screamed up the stairs, ‘we are going out to have a nice time.’

Silence. I had another coffee.

Fifteen minutes late after a mad scramble for gloves, coats and hats we leave. No one really speaks much.

Ten minutes into the hour journey the heavy rain turns to snow.

‘We may have to head back if it gets any worse.’ the Husband says.

‘Lovely,’ I say (ignoring the tuts from the back seat), ‘it’ll be fine!’

We get there and it’s snowing. it’s a beautiful scene. I even notice the odd smile from one or two of the children.

We skate, we suffer only one major incident of one bashed head and one smashed pair of (designer) spectacles, and there were a few bashed knees, but apart from that all was well and a nice time was had!


Leave That Tree Alone!..

Number 2 & 3 are very honest with me, sometimes too much so and to the extent that I have to remind them that I’m actually their Mum. Sometimes I prefer not to know and keep my rose tinted glasses in which I view them firmly fixed.

Here is an example why!…

Number 3 looked suspicious.

‘What’s up?’ I said.

He smiled, he seemed a little too happy.

‘Why are you smiling?’ I said, ‘What have you done?’

He laughed. ‘Nothing,’ he said, ‘just me and the boys are planning something.’

Oh God! I think to myself. I raise my eyebrows at him.

‘We’re going to take the school Christmas tree.’ He said.

‘Take the tree?! What do you mean,’ I said.

Fear started building in my stomach.

‘We’ve decided to take the tree.’

‘Why would you do that?’ I said. ‘You can’t steal the school Christmas tree!’

‘It’s not stealing. Get a life mum, it’s only a prank!’

‘If it’s not yours and you take it then that’s stealing.’ I said.

‘It’s a prank, we’ll put it back afterwards.’ He said.

‘How about if you don’t take it in the first place then you won’t have to bother taking it back and save yourself the energy!’

‘It’s our last Christmas at school. We’re going to take the tree.’

I’m stunned into a moment’s silence.

‘And we’re going to bring it back here to our house!’ He said.



‘No you’re not.’

‘Yes we are.’

‘No you’re not.’

‘We actually are.’

‘No, do not steal that tree. We have our own tree, I don’t want another one!’

Visions of a dozen 16 year olds dashing along the street as they make their way to our house covered in tinsel and fairy lights carrying a 10ft potted tree sprang uncomfortably to mind!

My stomach turns and I feel slightly nauseous.

‘Don’t even think about it.’

‘Lol mum it’ll be fun.’

‘That’s not fun think of something else!’

As yet no tree has arrived, I have 2 more sleepless nights to go before school breaks up for the holidays and I can breathe easy again.

Roll on Friday.


It Must Be Nearly Christmas!…

3 Stinking Colds…

2 Tummy Bugs…

1 bout of Glandular Fever…

and not a whiff of a partridge in a pear tree!