Leave That Tree Alone!..

Number 2 & 3 are very honest with me, sometimes too much so and to the extent that I have to remind them that I’m actually their Mum. Sometimes I prefer not to know and keep my rose tinted glasses in which I view them firmly fixed.

Here is an example why!…

Number 3 looked suspicious.

‘What’s up?’ I said.

He smiled, he seemed a little too happy.

‘Why are you smiling?’ I said, ‘What have you done?’

He laughed. ‘Nothing,’ he said, ‘just me and the boys are planning something.’

Oh God! I think to myself. I raise my eyebrows at him.

‘We’re going to take the school Christmas tree.’ He said.

‘Take the tree?! What do you mean,’ I said.

Fear started building in my stomach.

‘We’ve decided to take the tree.’

‘Why would you do that?’ I said. ‘You can’t steal the school Christmas tree!’

‘It’s not stealing. Get a life mum, it’s only a prank!’

‘If it’s not yours and you take it then that’s stealing.’ I said.

‘It’s a prank, we’ll put it back afterwards.’ He said.

‘How about if you don’t take it in the first place then you won’t have to bother taking it back and save yourself the energy!’

‘It’s our last Christmas at school. We’re going to take the tree.’

I’m stunned into a moment’s silence.

‘And we’re going to bring it back here to our house!’ He said.



‘No you’re not.’

‘Yes we are.’

‘No you’re not.’

‘We actually are.’

‘No, do not steal that tree. We have our own tree, I don’t want another one!’

Visions of a dozen 16 year olds dashing along the street as they make their way to our house covered in tinsel and fairy lights carrying a 10ft potted tree sprang uncomfortably to mind!

My stomach turns and I feel slightly nauseous.

‘Don’t even think about it.’

‘Lol mum it’ll be fun.’

‘That’s not fun think of something else!’

As yet no tree has arrived, I have 2 more sleepless nights to go before school breaks up for the holidays and I can breathe easy again.

Roll on Friday.


Checking My Lists…

Number 4 and I were browsing through a catalogue, we came across an advert for 2 books.

‘Oh look,’ I said, ‘they look nice don’t they?’

‘Yes, ‘ she said excitedly, ‘I really must have that one.’

‘Excellent.’ I said.

I’ve bought her the other one!

Speed sprout!….

We were watching a race on TV.

‘Oh, that’s a shame,’ I said as we watched, ‘he’s not going to win.’

‘That’s ok,’ said Number 4, ‘he might have a speed sprout.’

‘A what?!’ I said.

‘You know,’ she said, ‘a speed sprout.’

I look at her puzzled.

‘No I don’t know,’ I said shaking my head, ‘what is a speed sprout?’

‘Like a growth sprout, but a speed sprout instead.’

I feel none the wiser. I have to think about it for a moment.

‘Ahhhh,’ I say, ‘you mean a growth spurt?!’

‘Yeah of course,’ she said, ‘it’s exactly the same.’


Number 4 initiates her usual quandary over what to have for breakfast, there is an array of cereal or there is toast.

It’s not an unusual choice, it’s the same pretty much every day.

Today it seems to be a lot more difficult than it should be.

‘We have Pop Tarts at Daddy’s.’ She says.

‘You’re not at Daddy’s.’ I say.

‘I don’t like cereal or toast.’ She says.

‘You liked it yesterday.’ I say.

A long 10 minutes pass…

‘Fine then, I’ll have toast.’ She screams.

‘Fine then.’ I say.

She eats the toast. I take her to school. I’m now late for work.

On my return I realise I haven’t had time for breakfast, no time for toast so I scoff down 3 jam tarts and a can of coke!

Nice to Smell You!…

Number 3…

‘OMG I’ve run out of aftershave!’ He said.

‘I’m not surprised.’ I said.

‘Why do you say that?!’ he said.

‘Because you’re meant to smell a ‘little’ bit nice as you walk past people,’ I said, ‘you’re not meant to choke them to death!’