Number 2 was just about to leave for work.
‘It’s tipping down outside,’ he said, ‘can I take your umbrella?’
‘No,’ I said, ‘it’s mine!’
‘Why are there no umbrellas in this stupid house?’ He says.
‘Where’s your umbrella?’ I say.
‘In the car. I’ve got about 3 in the car.’
‘Oh,’ I say, ‘that’s why there’s no umbrella’s in the house, because they’re all in your car.’
The husband and I decided we needed a cooked breakfast so we went to a nearby supermarket.
We took our place in the queue. We get to our turn.
‘2 x full breakfasts please.’ I say.
‘I’m afraid we have no bacon.’ The young man says.
I don’t want to inform him that we’re actually all stood in a supermarket as it might seem rude and he seems nice.
I peer down over the railings at the huge supermarket floor below us. I can see the bacon aisle, with bacon in it.
‘No I’m sorry no bacon, how about sausage, egg and chips?’
‘Ok.’ I say.
Number 2 didn’t arrive home at the expected time. He doesn’t really have to as he’s an adult now but I still like to know where he is and what time he’ll be home. I wait until nearly 11pm then I text him.
‘Ok?’ I say.
‘Yes,’ he says, ‘I’m staying at 2 + 1’s tonight.’
‘Oh ok,’ I say, ‘have a nice time and I’ll see you tomorrow then.’
‘Ok.’ He says.
I start drifting off, 15 minutes later I hear the unmistakable roar of his car outside and then heavy footsteps up the stairs.
‘Ok?’ I call out.
He doesn’t hear me so I text instead.
‘Yes, there was a spider in the bedroom, we couldn’t stay there so we thought we’d stay here instead.’
‘Oh ok.’ I said.
Today I was excited about the cleaning the kitchen floor…I have a new mop.
Sometimes, when you work from home and don’t get out much, this is as exciting as it gets….
I look online at pregnancy calculators to see what date said baby is due.
I am, apparently, 4 weeks pregnant on one site, 5 weeks and 4 days on another site and somewhere between the two on another 5 sites. I think they have the month right so we’ll just head for that I guess.
So, I have approximately 8 months to find another bedroom lurking in the house somewhere that I have not yet come across.
So much for my spectacular ‘We’re having a Baby’ announcement.
The Husband was as unimpressed by the (glaringly obvious) blue lines on the tests as he was with the other 12000 negative tests before them.
‘I won’t believe it until I see it.’ He says.
‘See what?’ I say.
‘The baby.’ He says.
I show him the Digital test with the word ‘pregnant’ displayed in the window.
‘What does that mean?’ he says.
The Husband has quickly learnt not to upset an emotionally fraught pregnant woman. He has learnt that if he does can expect a reaction similar to that of taking a packet of crisps off of a really big Polar Bear.
Number 2 and Number 2 + 1 have had a row.
I tried to not get involved but they both kept hovering around me for something – for what exactly I’m not sure of as I know they both wanted me to stay out of it but they wouldn’t go away!
I try to mediate for 30 seconds, jumping from one view point to the other but it’s not helpful.
They both stomp around the house sulking like they own it, or at least are contributing to the mortgage.
I quietly make tea.
‘I don’t want any.’ Snaps Number 2 but takes his seat at the table anyway.
6 seated at the table. No one speaks, all too afraid that we might tip the balance.
The Husband and I eat in silence at our own kitchen table, in our own house, with heads bowed like naughty school children.
Number 2 + 1 can’t eat and she looks close to tears, she storms off to her house a short while later.
An hour later the issue has been resolved and she’s back, and we all breathe a sigh of relief and I’m grateful to get into bed!
The Husband texts while I am triple checking the 5 tests.
‘Ok?’ he says.
‘I’m happy.’ I say whilst I work out the best way to tell him!
I want to show The Husband the stark blue line on the tests but when I look at them several hours later they’ve all but gone and have shrunk to an non-descript slither that he is very unlikely to be able to see unless he has a microscope in his pocket!
I should have bought a digital!
I didn’t so I will have to switch to plan B and a mutter of ‘I’m pregnant’ will just have to suffice!
I suddenly realise that we don’t have enough bedrooms in the house – we actually have nowhere to put a new baby!