Number 4 initiates her usual quandary over what to have for breakfast, there is an array of cereal or there is toast.
It’s not an unusual choice, it’s the same pretty much every day.
Today it seems to be a lot more difficult than it should be.
‘We have Pop Tarts at Daddy’s.’ She says.
‘You’re not at Daddy’s.’ I say.
‘I don’t like cereal or toast.’ She says.
‘You liked it yesterday.’ I say.
A long 10 minutes pass…
‘Fine then, I’ll have toast.’ She screams.
‘Fine then.’ I say.
She eats the toast. I take her to school. I’m now late for work.
On my return I realise I haven’t had time for breakfast, no time for toast so I scoff down 3 jam tarts and a can of coke!
I tell The Husband that I need new jeans.
‘These don’t fit’ I say, showing him my loose waistband.
He looks surprised, like I’ve purposely over-stretched them.
‘I’ve lost weight’ I say.
He raises a suspicious eyebrow.
He is a fitness fanatic and doesn’t overly appreciate my lack of dedication to the cause.
The last time he upset me in regards to my fragile self-esteem regarding my body, he bought me an apology by way of a big block of chocolate!
I didn’t get it, but I ate the chocolate anyway because it was chocolate.
I expect that these jeans will fit soon after all.
I suspect that he has worked out that chocolate is cheaper than new clothes.
I gave Number 5 her pocket money for a week well done.
‘What’s up?’ I said.
She frowned again and handed the money back.
‘I don’t want it,’ she said, ‘I’ve got too much money already.’
I think I’ll enjoy that attitude while it lasts!
Dear Mr/Mrs Supermarket,
I write concerning the recent addition of the family sized tubs of chocolate to your stores.
I assume you have marked them down in price as a pre-Christmas incentive so we buy now and put them away to eat or give as gifts over the festive season?
I would like you to know that no-one does this, (!) ever.
I have purchased 3 such tubs over a 2 week period and I have eaten them all, mostly by myself!
I am not thanking you for the half a stone in weight that I have put on. If I had put such weight on in December then I could have blamed it on Christmas, there is simply no justification I can find (and believe me I’ve tried!), for such a gain in September/October.
I politely request that you chuck all the chocolates back in your store room and bring them back out again in a couple of months.
On our way home we stopped at KFC. I thought Number 3 might like some lunch bought home so I text him.
‘Would you like some KFC?’ I said.
‘Yes please.’ He said.
‘What do you want then?’ I said.
‘Can you get me something with no chicken in please?’ he said.
‘No,’ I said, ‘it’s a chicken shop, they only sell chicken.’
‘Oh, no thanks then.’ He said.
I have instigated a new healthier eating plan at home in a bid for us all to eat less meat and more veggies.
As I overloaded the oven dish with sweetcorn, spinach and just a small amount of ham The Husband looked on suspiciously.
‘Ok?’ I said.
‘Hmmm,’ he said, ‘you said you’ve cooked this dish before then?’
‘Yes.’ I said.
‘Oh,’ he said, ‘ummmm and you all survived?’
The Husband and I were due to go out.
‘But it’s raining.’ He said.
‘That’s ok,’ I said, ‘we can just take the car.’
‘No we can’t do that.’ He said.
‘No?’ I said.
‘No, I’ve only just washed it and I don’t want to get it wet.’