Following post may be a trigger for some and also contains TMI.
On My Birthday…
After speaking with the Doctor The Husband and I go to the EPU for some reassurance.
I take yet another test ( a digital) before I go and it reads Yes+, so I decide we’re good to go, but I feel nervous and desperate to find out what is going on in my (way too old) body.
We wait patiently until at last the Doctor calls us in, I pass over my sample and she re-tests it.
‘It’s negative.’ She says.
‘No it’s not.’ I say.
‘Yes it is.’ She says
‘No it’s not,’ I say, ‘let me see.’
She passes the 3 tests over, we look them over. The Husband looks as puzzled as I do.
‘There is 2 (clear) lines on each?’ I say.
‘It’s over the time limit now.’ She says.
I have seen many negative pregnancy tests in my time and these are not negative.
I eye the Doctor suspiciously, she continues.
‘Well you possibly were pregnant,’ she says with a shrug, ‘but you aren’t anymore and considering your blood loss you’ve probably lost it.’
‘I haven’t lost it,’ I exclaim, ‘there was slight loss of something but it wasn’t blood?’
She looks at me like I’m a lunatic.
‘Then you’ll have a bleed soon.’
‘How would you know that!!!?’ I say. I explain the drama of the past 3 cycles and at how worried I am.
‘I’d like you to have a look to check.’
I am afraid now because a Doctor working in an EPU can’t seem to read a pregnancy test.
‘No,’ she says, ‘there will be nothing there.’
‘That’s fine I say, but I just need to know?’
‘No,’ she says, ‘the lines were too faint for there to be anything there. I will call the nurse in for a second opinion.’
So the lines were there but faint? So they were positive then, and not negative??? Surely they mean two completely different things.
She returns without the nurse.
‘She’s busy at the moment. She says.
We initiate an uneasy standoff and the 3 of us sit in silence for a moment, I’m more than astonished at what is going on.
‘I haven’t lost the baby as I haven’t suffered a loss, there had been no blood, not even period like, the baby is still in there and I also know that something isn’t right. I need you to take a proper look.’ I say close to tears. ‘It’s not like I haven’t done this before,’ I say, ‘I’ve had 5 pregnancies.’
She smiles like I’m deluded, ‘I’ll go and see if the nurse is free now.’ She says.
‘Don’t bother.’ I say and I walk out the door.
I stomp the length of the hospital under a cloud of expletives.
‘What do we do now?’ says The Husband.
‘No idea.’ I say.