Chocolate V Jeans…

I tell The Husband that I need new jeans.

‘These don’t fit’ I say, showing him my loose waistband.

He looks surprised, like I’ve purposely over-stretched them.

‘I’ve lost weight’ I say.

He raises a suspicious eyebrow.

He is a fitness fanatic and doesn’t overly appreciate my lack of dedication to the cause.

The last time he upset me in regards to my fragile self-esteem regarding my body, he bought me an apology by way of a big block of chocolate!

I didn’t get it, but I ate the chocolate anyway because it was chocolate.

I expect that these jeans will fit soon after all.

I suspect that he has worked out that chocolate is cheaper than new clothes.


Open Letter to the Supermarket…

Dear Mr/Mrs Supermarket,

I write concerning the recent addition of the family sized tubs of chocolate to your stores.

I assume you have marked them down in price as a pre-Christmas incentive so we buy now and put them away to eat or give as gifts over the festive season?

I would like you to know that no-one does this, (!) ever.

I have purchased 3 such tubs over a 2 week period and I have eaten them all, mostly by myself!

I am not thanking you for the half a stone in weight that I have put on. If I had put such weight on in December then I could have blamed it on Christmas, there is simply no justification I can find (and believe me I’ve tried!), for such a gain in September/October.

I politely request that you chuck all the chocolates back in your store room and bring them back out again in a couple of months.

Regards… 🙂

No chicken with my chicken please!

On our way home we stopped at KFC. I thought Number 3 might like some lunch bought home so I text him.

‘Would you like some KFC?’ I said.

‘Yes please.’ He said.

‘What do you want then?’ I said.

‘Can you get me something with no chicken in please?’ he said.

‘No,’ I said, ‘it’s a chicken shop, they only sell chicken.’

‘Oh, no thanks then.’ He said.


Healthy Eating…

I have instigated a new healthier eating plan at home in a bid for us all to eat less meat and more veggies.

As I overloaded the oven dish with sweetcorn, spinach and just a small amount of ham The Husband looked on suspiciously.

‘Ok?’ I said.

‘Hmmm,’ he said, ‘you said you’ve cooked this dish before then?’

‘Yes.’ I said.

‘Oh,’ he said, ‘ummmm and you all survived?’


Early wake-up!…

The doorbell rang at 4:35am Sunday morning.

Panic swept over me, it must mean bad news.

I look out the window but can’t see anything, of course I didn’t have my contact lenses in so couldn’t see anything anyway.

I woke The Husband to tell him there was someone at the door. We waited for it to ring again but it didn’t.

‘It’s ok,’ He said, ‘Go back to sleep.’

I fell back into an uneasy sleep.

Next day I asked Number 2 if he heard the doorbell.

‘Oh yes,’ He said, ‘it was 2 + 1.’

‘At half past four in the morning???’ I exclaimed.

‘Yes, she was missing me,’ he said, ‘that’s cute isn’t it.’